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Author Topic: My FAVORITE Jokes  (Read 15794 times)

Offline The Crusader

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Two Parrots
« Reply #15 on: August 29, 2004, 12:35:36 PM »
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have problem. I have two female parrots, but
they only know how to say one thing."

What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have
some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest replied! But I may have a
solution to your problem. I have two male talking
parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can
teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your
parrots are sure to stop saying . . . that phrase . . . in
no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well
be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his
two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary
beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes,
the female parrots cried out in unison:

"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot
looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,

"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been
answered!"     :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Who Makes Coffee In Your House?
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2004, 12:37:08 PM »
Did you know it's not right for a woman to make coffee?


Yup, it's in the Bible!


It says.............


"HEBREWS!"

 :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2004, 03:57:54 AM »
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and hispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"  :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #18 on: August 30, 2004, 03:59:20 AM »
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The  third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"   :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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pedestrians AND Catholics
« Reply #19 on: August 30, 2004, 04:00:54 AM »
The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross.  A cop was directing traffic.  Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!"

The swelling throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection.

Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.  Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.  Tweeeeeeeet!  "Okay, pedestrians!"

The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put.

She looked at her watch and tapped her foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from the sidewalk.  The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!"  The blonde never moved.

Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the eighth time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo!  Officer!  Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"  :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Proof Of God
« Reply #20 on: August 30, 2004, 04:04:08 AM »
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told  the class that he was going to prove that there was not a God. He said,  "God if You are real, then I want You to knock me off this platform.

I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am  God, I'm still waiting" He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.

The football player walked in the class room and in the last
minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform. The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, ...

  "Where did you come from , And why did you do that?"  The football player replied, " God was busy; He sent me!"


  A smile goes a long way towards happiness   ;)
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Going to church...
« Reply #21 on: August 30, 2004, 04:06:02 AM »
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

<:)))><
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Warning!!!
« Reply #22 on: August 30, 2004, 04:07:37 AM »
WARNING: Exposure to the Son will prevent burning.  :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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truth decay?
« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2004, 04:08:53 AM »
Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.  ;)
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Give Satan an inch ...
« Reply #24 on: August 30, 2004, 04:10:00 AM »
Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.  ;)
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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Plan ahead...
« Reply #25 on: August 30, 2004, 04:11:01 AM »
Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.  ;)
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #26 on: September 01, 2004, 04:02:03 AM »
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how  Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his  mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny,  what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."  :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #27 on: September 01, 2004, 04:02:58 AM »
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."  :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #28 on: September 01, 2004, 04:04:06 AM »
Managing to pull himself onto the bus early one morning, the drunk stumbled over passengers, knocked over bags and briefcases, and finally fell into a seat beside a prim old woman. He slumped over her, and she pushed him back. “Mister,” she said indignantly. “I hate to say it, but you are going straight to hell!”

Startled, the drunk leapt to his feet. “ I’m on the wrong bus!”    :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

Offline The Crusader

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My FAVORITE Jokes
« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2004, 04:07:01 AM »
Did you hear about the three ministers who were talking about
their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church?

The first: "I shot at them with a shotgun; but it only spoiled
the woodwork."

The second: "I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!"

The third (who was looking pretty smug): "I caught them, and
baptized and confirmed each one. I haven't seen them since."
 :snicker:
"...to make all men see"(Ephesians 3:9)

We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

 

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